Trials and Tribulations of a Technophobe Author

April 5, 2016

Well, here I am back again after fatal breakdown of my laptop, with a terminally confused look upon my face. My brand new tower is sitting proudly at the side of my desk glowering at me because at its heart is Windows 10! Come on!! I only just got used to Windows 8.1. So where are my apps? Where is the pin to start feature on any webpage? Where is ...... everything? As you can tell, I am not a creature who embraces change easily and I guess it's going to take me some while before I'm happy with the new system, but ever up for a challenge, I will overcome.

 

It did remind me though, of a similar situation many years ago - 1995 to be exact! - when apps were never heard of and computers were driven by floppy discs - yes, I had a flirtation with technology way back then and yes, you'd think I'd be more tech savvy by now. Sadly not.  It happened in my early writing days as a member of the local Writer's Group when I successfully wrecked a desktop and laptop computer and I was saved by a fellow member. What happened next moved me to write this little poem. Hope it makes you smile. (Especially my tech advisor - Bradley Reed!

 

ODE TO KEN.

 

An idea came I know not where from

Expand the computer with a CD ROM.

At forty quid, no vast expense

And Windows 95 made sense.

 

I brought it home with bated breath,

No idea of its impending death.

Loaded the disc with impatient heart

But what was this? It would wouldn't start.

 

An error message on the screen

Turned my face to deepest green.

Not enough memory was what it said

Next I knew, my PC was dead.

 

I mourned its passing all night alone

Then in the morning got on the phone.

Help me Ken, I said, downhearted

My computer's dead, gone, departed.

 

I've crashed it down to MS DOS

Can you help me through my loss?

"Fair maid", said he, "Fear not your plight, 

I have some discs to make it right."

 

"Kind Sir," said I, with much relief

"My gratitude's beyond belief.

A computer buff I'm not you see

Bits and Bites are way past me.

 

A humble write is what I am, 

I don't understand a 16 RAM.

Perhaps a pencil would be wise,

No tears are shed by its demise."

 

Is this the end of my sad tale?

No, there's more to make you pale.

My laptop's now turned up its toes

Losing twenty pages of prose.

 

No problem, say I with inane grin,

I'll just stick Ken's discs back in.

Oh my God, what have I done?

The damn programme just won't run!

 

It can't find this and can't find that ..

And what's an AutoExec. Bat?

I feel a fool, I really do,

My language made the air turn blue.

 

Will you help me one last time?

I'm truly sorry for my crime,

In future from messing I'll refrain

If only I can use my PC again.

 

My motto now is, just don't mix it

If it's not broken, I won't fix it!

 

 

 

 

 

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